Open Diary

As I sit here at 2:00 AM CST, unable to sleep… not sure if that is partially due to the double shot on ice I got from Starbucks or the swirling thoughts about success, and living in my head. See, for the past I would say 8-10 years which has pretty much been a majority of my life, I have been in this funk.  Maybe, funk, isn’t a good word. I should say  like my own self pity party that no one besides me knew about. I was just down in the dumps about my life and how it went the complete opposite direction that I originally had intended.  Seemingly, somehow reflecting continuously on the wrongs others had done to me, the mistakes I made, and hurtful things people had said to me. It was like they attached to me, and subconsciously not realizing that I had actually started to become these things, allowing these things to keep me in a state of being a victim.

This state has I believe hindered me thus far, although I have been making small accomplishments, its nothing compared to what I could be if I wouldn’t have been holding on to so much baggage in my life.  But I refuse to live in a state of REGRET or be a VICTIM any longer. I am DONE with letting what has been ruin what is, and what will be. I am DONE with letting all the things people have said and done to me determine who I am or my own happiness. I AM DONE, I AM TIRED, AND I WILL NO LONGER LIVE THIS WAY!

I am ready to be at a place of FREEDOM, a place where I am in the pursuit of myself identity, my own happiness, my own life happenings without letting the negativity be a clutch for my life anymore. I will not FEAR,  I AM NOT MY PAST.. I am only my PRESENT.. and in this PRESENT  I can only CHOOSE TO LET GO AND DO WHAT I NEED TO, TO BE THE BEST ME.

I would encourage anyone that is feeling the same way to let go of the things that you may consciously, or subconsciously be aware of that is holding you back, let go of the naysayers, and embrace your journey each day by doing something each day that makes you feel like you…… No opinions, no fear, no worries, no doubts, just pure self motivation… FIGHT FOR YOURSELF>>> ITS NOT OVER !!!!!


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