Sick and tired of the same o thing

How many times do we find ourselves saying that we are sick and tired? How many times of saying we are sick and tired are those things typically the same o thing? How many times do we beat ourselves about those same o things, with hopes for change and consistency?  Its amazing that these questions can go on and on. Somehow having a question within a question, and the answers seems short, vague or not at all.  I have been asking myself this question since I was 15 years old.

My life then was lost, confused, dysfunctional. My mother wasn’t in my life, my father was in prison. I had my other dad( the man who raised me), but even then I still felt alone. I felt as if I had no one, the depression rising, and the faith in myself, life, and God started sinking then. I had been through hell already and I couldn’t understand why. Why, me? I was a straight A student, I didn’t get into trouble, I worked hard in school. Yet, it seemed like my life outside of school didn’t matter. It seemed as if no one cared or gave me any acknowledgment. I was so lost, without direction or guidance from the ones that I needed it most.

For a period of time I hopped from house to house, with no stable home. With my mother not in my life, father not in my life, I felt incomplete. School was my outlet, my rescue, my home away from home. But, all they could offer was words of its going to get better.

I just got so sick and tired of hearing that. Hearing that it would get better yet, not seeing any change in the things around me. I got so sick and tired of being alone, so sick and tired of not having my mother or father there by my side. I got so sick and tired of not being appreciated for what I was doing.  I got so sick and tired of having no where stable to go. I got so sick and tired of just being sick and tired. I got so sick and tired of just being me. I got extremely depressed that all I did when I came home from school was sleep. I slept away my pain and my feelings.

I have told very few people what I am about to tell you. That I got so sick and tired of dealing with my life, that I tried to take my life. I tried to commit suicide. I honestly don’t know how I am not dead. I took a lot of pills that I probably shouldn’t have taken, and so many that I probably could have died right there. I attempted to do this twice in my life. I had just gotten to the point of having enough of dealing with life, being alone, and so many other things that I was facing at a very young age.

But I survived, and I know because of that God does in fact have a purpose for my life. After attempting to hurt myself I knew that something had to change. I knew that life wasn’t meant to live feeling as though you want to die. So, I decided at a young age that if I couldn’t change the people or my situations around me, that I was going to change myself. I was going to change the way that I looked at life, and how I handled it.

The first thing that I changed was

  1. Trying to change other people. Realizing that I couldn’t change anyone but myself
  2. Learned to appreciate myself, rather than needing to feel others approval for self-worth
  3. Looked at what I was doing to make the situation stay the same, and figured out away to change what I was doing
  4. Decided that no matter what happened in my life good or bad, that I was going to let it be something to motivate me and push me for greater
  5. That over a period of time when I looked back, that somethings (mainly me) were in fact changing and not being the same o thing

These are just a few things that helped me to see that I am the one that has the power to change things from being the same. I may not be able to change other people, or every single circumstance that I maybe dealing with but I am for certain taking hold and changing the things that I can change. The best place and the most important place to start with that change is YOURSELF! Change yourself, and somehow you begin to see everything different around you, which helps you to feel that everything is not the same o thing.

What I am also learning as an adult and a mother now, that this saying can sometimes come back in my mind. It can come back because of the daily hustle and bustle of life, (work) and kids (parenting duties). I can begin to feel like its the same o thing because of the routines in life.  Then before you know it my mind is in a down hill spiral, and I am beating myself up and my environment, just crying out for more for my life. But, I have personally discovered that this is a vicious cycle. A cycle designed to make you feel defeated and hopeless about your life, dreams, and where in fact you are going. I believe this is something that the devil in fact does use (mind games) to keep you stuck in that mindset. However, I refuse to any longer feel or fed into this thought process any longer.

So, now when I begin to feel like I am sick and tired of the same o thing. I remember to look back on my life, and see how far God has  brought me. I look back and remind myself that the best is yet to come. I look at where I am at now and remind myself that although things may feel the same, that my daily effort will be worth it. I remind myself that one day I will look back even on this moment, and see that in fact my life is not just the same o thing. It really truly does start with you, your mindset, your perception on life.

If life is beginning to feel like the same o thing, I would encourage you to look back on your life and see how far you have come. I would encourage you to check yourself and see what things, habits, thoughts you can change within yourself to change your life. I would encourage you to spice up each day with something new so that it doesn’t feel like the same o thing. Maybe instead of doing things everyday how you normally do them, do something spontaneous.  I would encourage you if you feel like things are the same o thing, to help someone else who is struggling with life more than you are. Somehow, helping someone else see the brighter side in life, helps heal you and helps you to see how truly blessed you are.

 

The same o thing, doesn’t have to stay the same o thing….. only YOU have the POWER to change it!

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