As I am sitting here writing this, I can’t help but to think that I want to do better in life. I can’t help but to think about the dreams I want to see be made reality. I can’t help but to think about the glorious ways God is going to use me to bring glory to his kingdom. I can’t help but to look back on my life and see how far I truly have come.
However, as I am sitting here there seems to be a louder voice protruding in my ear reminding of the mistakes that I have made, the failures that I have come across. As I am sitting here I cant help but here this continuous, pessimistic voice trying to divulge itself over the positive voice. Its almost as if this voice is seemingly sucking the life out of my existence.
Its as if I am at war within myself. I am at war within my very being and nothing is wanting to let up . I feel as though I am yearning for the positive to take over my being, and to an extent majority of who I am is a positive person. But, then all of a sudden I get chocked out by the enemies mind games, that end up causing me to loose focus off of the good things that I am trying to pursue in my life.
Sometimes, I feel as though the bad energy can just sense when your trying to get your life on the right track, when your trying to be in a place of complete transformation. That is the time where I feel attacked the most. If not that, that same bad energy to me knows your weakness, and it is when you are trying to improve that those things resurface.
I don’ t know about you, but I have had plenty of days; when everything is going good, I am in a good mood, good things are happening and then something bad happens. Or, if its not something bad happening, someone else with negative energy comes around, and before you know it, your happy day just turned upside down .
There is also the times, say where your plans dont turn out in the way you had hoped for, or say something dramatic happens and you lose your job. Then all of sudden your good day turns bad again. Before you know it, you begin to listen to the aching negative voice in your head, telling you your not good enough, what will you do now, and the list goes on and on. That then turns into a deadly cycle of overthinking, beating yourself up, and a bunch of sadness, anger, everywhere emotions to the point you have to ask yourself have you gone crazy lol.
That one small thought you let come buzzing in your ear then turned into what seemed to be a 1,000 bees buzzing in your ear. All of this is just away for the devil to make you feel defeated, lose hope, get angry, question God, and then you start to question your abilities and dreams.
For instance for me, Ill start balling crying, questioning everything in my life, start to feel regret, not want to do anything, and just want to sleep.
THIS IS NOT HEALTHY!!!! I DONT WANT TO HANDLE LIFE LIKE THIS ANYMORE!
I feel like each time, I allow the enemy to throw me off course like this, he is basically winning and laughing at how frantic and bothered I am. Therefore, by allowing myself to spiral into what I call a black hole, I am not focused on what God wants me to do, but instead on whats right in front of me. Which, we all know is not distributing any signs of faith by doing this.
As I have been closer in my walk with God. He has revealed this problem to me that I have. I am now realizing that in some areas in my life I am still lacking faith and trust in God. I feel this to be true, because of the fact that if I did not lack faith or trust in God, when these voices arrive I would automatically be able to shut them down, knowing that God has everything under control. By knowing that God has everything under control, I can contradict that negative voice with a positive one. I have been using bible verses, or simply just beginning to speak life into my situations. Allowing my mind to be renewed with the promises of God, knowing that he will be my provider, and really my everything that I need.
I am just at a stage in my life, where I am no longer wanting to feed that negative thoughts anymore, doubt, fear, worry , defeat, but instead beat those thoughts with courage, faith, love, endurance. I am just at a stage in my life where I see how much energy I have allowed the negativity to steal from my life. I just dont want to live like that anymore.
I no longer want to be chained by my past, mistakes, failures, thoughts of the future, or the trials and tribulations of this world. Because truth is we are going to have troubles on this earth until the day we die. Truth is that no matter how close we get with God the devil is always going to try to come plant seeds of defeats in our ears. The key however to overcoming this is I believe with God. Because he is the only thing that has enough power to overcome it.
I have tried doing it on my own, I have read self help books, went to classes, talked to therapist. I have done all of that stuff, however nothing has touched my heart or given me a clearer understanding, confidence, power than that of having a relationship with God.
Now, I am not writing this post to get you to believe in God, or pressure you about anything. I am however, giving you a story from a girl who has let that negative voice ruin her life, hold her back, keep her awake at night, take anger out on the ones she loves, and has been broken into pieces. Yet, through Gods amazing grace, mercy, and word I am being made new, and getting a renewing of my mind which is helping me to see, walk, talk, learn, hear in a whole new way. Through seeking God I am able to see that I can be FREE from what seems to be this never ending voice that plays in your head.
Bottom line is that the devil will use every trick in the book trying to keep you from what God has for you. The greatest thing though is that God has surpassed every trick already, and that if you choose to believe in your heart, and seek him you can be healed and prepared to overcome these tricks.
Dont live in defeat any longer, dont live with regret or mistake. Dont allow the devil to steal one more day from you. Instead allow God to fight that battle for you, while you keep focus on the plans, dreams God has given you to fulfill. All he wants you to do is have faith and trust in him. This is easier said then done but the best thing is that it can be done.
When I begin to hear those negative voices in my mind here are somethings that I do:
- Read my bible
- contradict the negative with a positive thought. For instance, negative thought: you will never be good enough…. positive thought: God says that I am good enough
- listen to music,
- Do something to get your mind off of the problem, such as drawing, writing, exercising
- call someone you trust to talk to and tell them about your struggle
- Help others- when I am feeling down, or the enemy is attacking helping others that are struggling gives me a sense of joy and peace
- Take a hot shower
- kiss and hug your children, if you dont have children, an animal, girlfriend or boyfriend, mom or dad. Just someone you can just squeeze out of love to
- listening to others stories- listening to other peoples stories sometimes gives me a highlight of my own life, as well as reminders of being grateful because there is always someone worst off.
Living in defeat, can be a sad, depressing, overthinking, ugly, and vicious cycle. Living in defeat sucks the very joy out of your existence. Living in defeat is not what we were originally designed for. Living in defeat can stop you from being where you want to be in life.
Lets choose to live in abundant victory, lets choose to have faith and trust in God, lets choose to ignore the negative voice, and turn up the positive. Lets choose to live in away where we can say my life and dreams matter. Stop letting defeat control your life, instead take your life under submission, and live each day more victorious than the day before… pressing towards what is ahead.
“Those who live according to the sinful nature have their minds set on what the nature desires; but those who live in accordance with the Spirit have their minds set on what the Spirit desires.” (Romans 8:5 NIV)