Choosing Love instead of anger as a parent

There are many times as a parent, where you have probably felt like getting extremely upset with your kids. There are times when this anger can come out as yelling, screaming, letting a cuss word slip out, and maybe even the thought of punching something has come up before lol.

I, as a single mother can honestly say that there has been plenty of times of frustration for me. I have been guilty of yelling when I have gotten upset with something that my child has done.

So lets talk about anger.

an·ger
ˈaNGɡər/
noun
  1. 1.
    a strong feeling of annoyance, displeasure, or hostility

Anger, is not good for our health nor our mental state of mind. I dont know about anyone else, but when I get angry I am a overwhelmed, clouded in the mind, individual. Its almost as if I am not myself when I get angry. Sometimes it reminds me of those snicker bar commercials lol. Anger is really deadly to the soul, to me it just ruins my mood, and brings me out of character.  I have always dealt with anger in a unhealthy way, such as screaming and yelling. I believe this majority due to the fact that I saw my family respond to anger this way .

I have seen people in my family become very vicious with their tongues when they are angry. As a child I could remember feeling hurt, angry myself, and a little resent towards the way that I was being treated.  I realized at a younger age that handling anger this way was not healthy or the right thing to do. I decided at a young age that I would not feed into any more arguments, that people try to have with me. It basically just becomes a screaming match.

SO?? What does this have to do with parenting????

Well, I will tell you what it has to do with parenting. Even though we may not want habits in our life that we saw growing up, we subconsciously without knowing end up carrying some of these habits to our own children.  Before you know it we see ourselves yelling, screaming at our children and then later beating ourselves up about it. We then begin to question being a parent, we begin to say things like ” I didn’t want to be like my parents, but I am doing the same thing to my child now”.  I have said this to myself a handful of times.

The key though is to not dwell and stay in this place. The key is to go out and seek the resources that you need in order to more effectively handle anger. By learning this you will not only be able to control your anger with your children but also with others.  I believe this is one of the reasons that drives me to change, because I dont want to respond that way with my children or really anyone. If you do not go out and seek information outside of what you know, you will only do what you know. So, because majority of what I have seen is people negatively handling anger, that is what I know. The only reason I am now, seeing that it is not okay to handle anger in this way is because of one, my relationship with God, two having kids of my own, and three just seeing how choose anger effects my mind, body, and soul.  Which leads me to another reason why you should want to seek out change on dealing with anger, and that is the fact that you remember how you felt when you were a kid when that anger was shown to you.

This really motivates me to not only want to learn to handle anger, but also to just be more patient with my kids. I think about how getting yelled and screamed at dampened my spirits and then I ask myself if that is the type of relationship that I want to have with my kids.

Truth is I do not want to have that type of relationship with my kids. I see how my kids faces look when I choose to yell at them instead of show them love.

Lets get to the Juice of this blog, which is choosing love over anger.  I am now realizing that how you respond to anger is a choice. There are many healthy ways that you can choose to respond when you are angry, however we as humans get so caught up in the moment, that we dont take the time to think about why we are upset. We dont allow ourselves time to patiently think about whats going on, and instead lash out immediately

Because, I truly dont want to destroy my kids self- esteem by tearing them down with the words I say out of anger. I am instead making the choice to lift and build them up even when I am angry. I am also learning that getting angry does not help your child to learn the lesson, or learn from the lesson in which your trying to teach or that your child made a mistake doing. Anger teaches nothing, however love teaches everything.

This is so much easier said then done, but the greatest thing is knowing that with practice and patience it can be done.  It starts with changing your mindset about anger. I have been literally reciting  to myself before I get angry, and just speaking life to the following statement:

Choose love instead of anger

Choose patience instead of frustration

Choose building up instead of tearing down

Choose kindness instead of being mean

Choose to speak in a nurturing way instead of yelling

I have just been trying to retrain my thought process on the everyday emotions that I deal with not only as a mother, but also as a individual. I can say that this is helping me a lot more, because in the mist of reciting these things I am able to slow down enough to think about what is going on, and how I can change it in a positive way.

I am not saying that you will never get angry, because you will. I am however saying that for your well being and the well being of your child you should be willing to teach yourself how to better deal with these emotions that can be hard to deal with. Just, think about how you would want your child to grow up, how you want your child to remember you, and also remembering that you are an example to your child, therefore whatever you show your child good or bad can continue to be passed down from generation to generation.

That is why I am allowing God to change my heart, mind, and soul. I believe that he is the only thing that can break the chains in mine and my children’s life, from generational curses to dealing with raw emotions.

When you feel yourself getting angry with your kids, instead of lashing out automatically try these tips that have worked for me.;

  1. Praying- can help because it gives you a sense of peace
  2. going in a seperate room- this to me helps me to collect my thoughts and regather my composure
  3. Scream in or punch a pillow- this helps me to take out that bottled anger on something that I will not hurt with my words or hands
  4. Drawing
  5. going on a nice long walk- if you cant leave because you dont have a spouse, put the kids somewhere safe and just step outside for some fresh air
  6. changing your thought process, by reciting whatever sayings that you have created for yourself to keep you motivate towards change
  7. in the back of your mind, think about how it will effect your child and you if you choose to lash out
  8. call a mentor
  9. read a book
  10. take a nice hot shower- there have been plenty of times where I have gotten extremely upset and instead of lashing out, I have hopped in the shower. This has helped me because I am able to have time alone, and in the shower I can cry, talk, scream or do anything in a healthy way to get my mind back on track

I am by no means a professional, I am just a mother who is tired of choosing anger and instead am choosing love. It does take time, work, and patience on your end to do this. But,if you think about the well being of your child, how crazy the world is today, then you will see that loving is worth it because they are going to experience enough negativity outside of their home.

Choose love today, and instill in your child what they need to grow and flourish in a real angry world.

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