(To see previous post about parenting check out my first post ” There is No such thing as a perfect parent“. )
I was young when I had my son, and I can say that through that and maybe even a little before that I was mature mentally above my years. I never thought that I would have kids, let alone at a young age; but life happens and sometimes you just have to roll with it. My childhood was an okay childhood I can really remember anything from when I was younger. A lot of the things that I do remember where the times in my life were I was neglected, my family was extremely dysfunctional, and for a period of time in my life I did not have my mother or my father there for support.
During these times, were probably the worst times of my life. I was depressed, suicidal, feeling alone, abandon, not good enough, not loved and etc. This of course was before I even thought about a kid. I was just in a good place in my middle school years.( But that is a whole different story). Back on topic 🙂
When I did finally have my first child, I knew then and there that I would and wanted better for my child then I ever had. I knew that I would do whatever it took to make sure that his life was good. Then life shows up, and before you know it; some of the things you said you wouldn’t do, you do. The things that you saw your parents do, and somehow you look up and your doing that same thing.
That is when reality hit!!! I realized that I would be exactly like my parents if I didn’t go out and seek the change I was desiring. Subconsciously, we live, act, and do based off the things that we have seen, environments we were around. We as a child become a custom to these ways of living and then it just becomes apart of our make up. That is when I said to myself, that if I didn’t take the time to teach myself something new, surround myself with positive people, and search for something better. Than I would in fact live to be just like what I didn’t want for my kids.
What some people fail to see is that if you do not teach yourself anything new, you will habitually go with what you know. So if what you know is dysfunction, such as anger, cussing, screaming, and so forth… than all you will do is pass that along to your children because that is all you know.
But just because that maybe all you know at this point in your life doesn’t mean that is what it has to be for the rest of your life, or that what you know now is all there is to know, because that is not the case either.
I look and sometimes see little pieces of my mother in my actions , or maybe even my father. Not that my mother and father were the worst, but some of the things that they did do weren’t so well, are the things that I am desperately trying to teach myself not to do.
Teaching yourself something new is not easy. Its like you have to start over brand new with a blank canvas. But, that’s the blessing in it though. Because you are granted with Gods grace an opportunity to start new with your own children. The only way to break the chains of what I call the generational curses, you must be willing and open to greater things than what is around you.
I believe the biggest thing that has helped me on my journey to change is getting, keeping and having a relationship with God. My relationship with God has allowed me to open my eyes to greater things beyond myself, and has given me direction on what love is all about. Surrounding myself around people who have greater morals, careers, life purpose and etc. Surrounding myself with people outside of the type of people that I am used to, has helped me to see that I can overcome my environment, poverty and etc. Remembering how those things such as being cussed out, abandoned, screamed at and etc made me feel, and imagining how that would make my child feel.
Now I am not going to say I have never raised my voice at my children, because I have sometimes not even intentionally. But then right after I feel like crap, because I know that I don’t want to talk to them that way.
Basically this post is to answer the people that say ” I would never be like my parents, and then I end up being just like them”. The only way to not do that, is to take the time to teach yourself something new. Is it easy? No! Will it take time? Yes! Can you do it? Yes! If you want something greater for your children, it is worth it and you can do it. Its just going to take every effort of your being to make that difference.
There is a few things that I am still working on, but there are plenty of things that I can look at and say that I am not my parents, and some I can say that I may even do better or that I do that my parents never did. But nonetheless it isn’t a competition, its just simply about raising your child to the best of your ability. And if that ability has to be things that you learn from classes, books, blogs, role- models and etc than so be it.!
Stop at nothing to see greater for yourself, and for your children! Even when times get hard and you feel like given in Remember why your fighting, who your fighting for, and what great changes you want to make in you and your child/rens life.
Stop at Nothing to get there!
Trying to conquer everything at once is not suggested. If your anything like me, you will try to lol but it doesn’t work that way you will get burned out way to fast. Pick maybe 1-3 things that you see you can do better own. Research ways to improve, implement a plan, and then act on that plan everyday. Even if you have slip ups, get back up and try again. Eventually these changes will become habits, and then you can conquer something else for your family.
The things I am currently working on
- 1. Spending more quality time outside of providing for my kids
- Not raising my voice
- Feeding into them spiritually, mentally, and emotionally