1.the process of increasing in physical size
There are days as a single mother that I get so overwhelmed with the day ins and day outs of life. I feel as though the world is on my shoulders and there is no one caring to help lift me up. I feel as though there is no end in sight, no rescue for my struggle, no comfort for my tears. Each day it just seems as though the troubles are piling up, bills are piling up, laundry is piling up, toys are piling up, dishes piling up and it just seems as though each day something else is piling right on top of it all. Each day I work with consistent effort to keep my home clean, laundry done, dishes done, rooms cleaned and etc. But it just seems as though the faster I get things done, the faster they seem to pile back up again. It can just be so frustrating, that it can cause me sometimes to feel an overwhelming amount of anxiety and anger.
I feel anger because I think of all the things that I am sacrificing, yet my childrens fathers are out doing what they please, and not even one foot in the door to doing or understanding the sacrifices, tears, strength, and etc that it takes to me a mother, let alone a single one. Although, inside I feel extremely hurt, and want to be really resentful towards them, I know that this is going to solve nothing.
Just as creating busyness or extra anxiety for myself does nothing either. I feel that sometimes as a single mother, I desire so much more for my children than what I ever experienced for myself. With this feeling, I put a considerable amount of pressure on myself, to push, to work harder, to have schedules, to keep my children in healthy environments and so on.I am doing this as I am to working on bettering myself, and loving myself as well,. The pressure seems some days to be overloading me, that I sometimes take that frustration out on my kids. I take that frustration out with ways such as raising my voice, not being considerate or to busy to pay attention to something they are trying to tell or show me, skip rubbing their back ,reading them a book, and loose patience with the bickering and arguing.
This doesn’t happen every day, but the days it does I feel like absolute crap afterwards as a parent. I beat myself up, telling myself why did I just yell, or why didn’t I take the time to do that. I then end up frustrated with not only myself for how I handled the situation and all the stuff that I have piled on my plate. It starts to make me feel hopeless, like I should just give up and throw in the towel. I begin to feel defeated, wondering when this all is going to let up.
Just this week, I experienced this feeling one to two days. However during those two days, it gave me enough realization in my reflecting time, of why I would never respond to anything like this again.
In my reflection time I realized several things. However the most important things are listed below.
During my personal reflection I realized this:
1. Nothing is My Children’s fault or even my fault
When I am feeling overwhelmed and create anxiety for myself, I realize that I take it out on the very same angels that I am trying to work so hard for to change their life. I also realize that when I do get upset or frustrated, 9/10 it has nothing to do with something that they have done, but outside things. I realized that even though their fathers choose not to be in their life it is not my fault or my children’s fault, but their fathers choice.
2. Getting Upset and Crying about is never going to change anything
When life seems to hard to handle, sometimes the first instinct can be to want to cry and get all emotional. However, I am realizing that not controlling your emotions only makes the situation worse. Also, crying and getting upset about it is not going to do anything to help you to figure out what needs to be done to change it.
3. Trying to do more than one thing at once is not going to get you there any faster
When I feel constant pressure to push myself, and to want to be successful already it makes me feel like I have to do more to get there. It makes me feel like I have to push myself a little harder, add on a whole bunch of appointments, things to do on my calendar. However, I realize that piling myself up with so many things is not only contributing to my anxiety, but is also either not getting done, or not getting done in a manner in which I could apply myself, if I didn’t have so many things to focus on. I realize that my dreams are made for me, and that if I keep faith in God, and conquer one thing at a time me and my children will make it.
4. Your Children are Looking up to you
When I get stressed, and dont handle my emotions accordingly, I am quickly reminded of the behavior choice, when I see that same repeated behavior in my child. I realize that no matter the emotions I may feel, or what is going on, I must handle it in away I would want my children to handle it. I have to remember that in the heat of the moment, and really every moment, my children are watching to see how I handle the ups and downs in life. So, I must be the one to set the best example possible for them, even though I maybe doing it alone.
5. I cant change what has already been done, I can only change the moment I am in
I realize that sometimes the anxiety I create for myself is either over moments in the past, fear of the future, or the stressors of today. However, a lot of what I desire to change I have no control over. So, I realized that if I dont control and change what I can, I will continue to go down a dead end road leading to disappointment, and a bunch of crazy emotions. Therefore, by focusing on what I can change within myself, and my home, I am not focused on trying to change others, mistakes from the past, or anything else.
6. You only have one life why waste it on negative emotions
I realized that I allow a lot of negative emotions to steal the joy out of my today. I allow those emotions to steal the joy out of being a parent, and also following my dreams. I have allowed so much negative emotion and energy to take so much of my time. I realize now that it takes more energy to be negative then it does to respond in a positive manner. By handling and displaying to m children how to handle emotions in a positive way, they to can learn and be able to handle emotions.
7. Your Children Wont be Children forever, take the time
I saw a clip on Facebook with a stick figure boy, it had him as a little boy trying to show his dad something, and the dad replies with not right now. It then in the next two clippings has the same scenario but the little boy is older. Then finally in the last clipping, it has the little boy now an adult is smoking a cigarette, and then the father is the one asking to talk but the boy replies with not right now. Seeing this really woke me up. It woke me up because one, no matter how busy I am, I should always take the time to play and hear my child out, no matter how many times they need to tell me something. I need to show them how important they are, instill their self- worth, and let them know that what they have to say is important and that I unconditionally love them. Two, I realized that time waits for no man, and if I dont give my children the quality time they deserve, or teach them the right way, they will be susceptible to the negative things of the world. Lastly, this clip help me to see the importance of each stage of my childrens life does matter. Even though some stages are easier than other ( toddler stage, not fun lol), they are all apart of my child being a child, and they are all apart of me having the opportunity to be a mother. It is in these moments, whether good or bad, whining or no whining, or whatever the case maybe that I can not only teach my children, but also love and potentially even learn something from the moments that cause us to want to go crazy or give up. It helped me to realize that every stage in life is important, because your child will only be at that stage in life one time. If you dont take the time to truly impact your child’s life in those moments, you are leaving it up to something or someone else in the world to. With the world being the way it is, and I only anticipate it getting rougher, it is extremely important to be the voice, the outlet, and everything above for your precious child.
These are just a few things that I have come to realize this week. With this realization, I am going to make sure that I do take the time to do all of these things, and remember that my children are the most important. I will take the time to remember that no matter if their fathers choose to be here or not, I still have to be the strong one that they can count on. I still have to remember that when things seem hard, and to much to bear, that God not only says that he will handle it all, give me strength, but that he is also my father and my childrens father. I still have to remember that even in the heat of the moment choosing to respond in love is better than responding in anger. I still have to remember that even in the bad moments, something can be taught and learned.
I still have to remember that I have to do the best with what I can and what I have for the moment of life I am in. I still have to remember that time moves on, and if I dont take the time now, there may never time. I still have to remember that my children will not be children forever, and that it is my sole duty to reassure that they have the best childhood they can possibly have.
I still have to remember that when times get hard, they are looking up to me. I still have to remember that ll the sacrifice, tears, hard work and so much more will pay off if I dont give up.
I still have to remember that loving my children is the best thing that I can do for them. I still have to remember that even as they grow older, they will still always be my little angels.
Being a parent is not easy, being a single parent is not easy. But thankfully the easy part is the love you can unconditionally shower your children with, because God pours into and showers us with unconditionally love. Take the time to remember that everything in life is temporary, and ask yourself if you want to react with words or actions that can have permanent damage on your child’s life. Take the time to soak in their whining, laying in your bed, patting their backs, reading a book, answering the same question 100 times, because there will for certain come a time when you wont be able to do that.
Soak In The Small Moments… They Wont last forever
What are some ways that you are soaking in the moment with your child/ren?