Open Diary- April, 17th, 2016- Trust

This week has been a very crazy week, so many random events have occurred this week.  It’s amazing to me that even outside of having 4 planners to plan out my week, there are always things that happen outside of my control.  It is when I choose to respond in a way that looks like defeat, fear, worry, stress, that actually intensifies that situation instead of making it better. I honestly dont know why I lack faith sometimes, well actually I kind of due. I lack faith because I am trying to handle everything on my own, meanwhile not handling anything at all but trying to convince myself that I am. I can see the difference in my week when I am trusting God and giving him control as well as time, and when I am trying to do everything on my own.

When I am trusting God it seems as though I am floating through life, everything seems to be just flowing. Everything just seems immensely stasifying, I am full of the fruits of the spirits, with no worry for anything in the world. When I allow the things that happen to me to throw me off take my focus off God and on to my problems, or me trying to figure out a solution, I feel flustered, angered easily, impatient, not as loving, worrying, and the list goes on and on. I continually ask myself why do I keep doing this potentially deadly cycle to myself over and over. The truth is I am not sure why, I guess its part of human nature. All I know is that I believe that with God I can stop this part in me where I choose to respond in away that is entrusting and unfocused from God, which is the only thing that can keep me focused. I want to be able to withstand any obstacle I may face knowing and having faith in God. Having a faith in God knowing that he love me, cares for me, and has everything under control.

I believe the more that I retrain my mind into thinking about Gods word, making sure that I am keeping my mind on good things. As long as I am seeking out knowledge outside of what I know, and pursuing change. I believe I will get to the point of having  a everlasting Faith, that instead of running from God or trying to take control, I run to God. Knowing that he has my back, and he knows all things. I know that if I trust him, I can go along way.

I think my biggest issue is that I try to do it myself so much, that I end up talking so much negativity to myself that it just ruins everything. It ruins my mood, my day, and sometimes my week if I cant get myself out of this negative roll. Again, however I am seeing that not only not good for my health, it is gaining me nothing, as well as solving nothing. Me beating myself up, thinking about the 1000 what if, should of this, will never help me in the present moment, or handling moments that randomly happen.

So, the key to me is to be able to one learn to trust God, through trusting God, I will build my faith. But also developing techniques to make me not allow myself to go on a negative rampage. Me remembering that every problem has a solution, and a lot of the time God is that solution. I guess I have to remember that things in life will happen, I will make mistakes but if I can just learn from these things, seek the best in these things, and trust God to show me the way , I know that I will be able to handle whatever comes my way.

This week, I am looking forward to getting back on track with my time with God, and prayer, instead of allowing problems to steal everything out of my life. One of the biggest issues I am facing now is, the fact that someone hit my car with no insurance, and I dont have the money of course as a single mother to drop money to get a brand new car. I have insurance but only liability so now it wont cover it. When this first happen, boy did the negativity come, but when I started to pray about it and really think about it, I realized that this was a opportunity for me to trust God and know that he will have it all under control. It may not come when I want it, but If I trust, believe, and have faith in God. I know that it will come, everything is a choice. We have to choose what and how we want to respond in life. I have had enough of responding to life in my way of handling things, only to end up feeling like crap. I am ready to learn to handle it Gods way, so that I may truly walk in  peace, love, guidance, and so much more.

My challenge for myself this week, is to get my word each day, for at least  20 minutes no matter what happens. I usually end up spending way more than this, but what I really want to point out is the challenge is in no matter what happens. Because sometimes I allow what happens to detour me away from the time that is going to help me through those hard times.

I learned from my week, that you cant control everything and you cant plan everything, but that is when you have to pray about it, let it go and let God do the rest.


Girl just learning to trust God more


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