May, 2nd, 2016- Contentment

Dear Diary,

Again, it has been a few days since I have written. This month I am going to really work on posting each and every day. I tend to not write when I am just feeling full of anxiety, confusion, fear, doubtful. But I am realizing that its in these times that I need writing the most. I don’t know why I have been choosing to respond with turning my back from the very thing that I love to do, that does truly help me. I guess that is another thing on my list of things to work out (lol). But nonetheless I am here today,and in this moment is the only thing that I can do anything about. So, I am content with knowing that in this moment I am doing the very thing that I said I was going to do, which is write in my online journal.

Today, was a very relaxing day. I Got several things done today that I said I was going to do. There was only one thing that I didn’t get done today, that I tend to get done tomorrow, God willing that he wakes me up again tomorrow. I am coming to the point of realizing that I have to let go of moments, and things I can do nothing about. That I can only do something about the very moment that I am in. For me thinking like that, it is giving me contentment, as well as peace. It is giving me contentment because I know that outside of today I  can do nothing. I am also learning that contentment is more than just a mere moment, its a perception that you choose to think about in each day. I am learning that contentment can spark and help change your perception about certain things that you have no control over. For instance, last week I was getting so frustrated with myself and my children. I got frustrated because my children were not listening to something that I had asked them to do. Because they were not following my instructions, I then made myself up set. I had to take a little walk by myself just to clear my mind. During this walk I realized something about myself, as well as my children.

One I realized that kids are going to be kids, that they are not perfect, and some thing they are simply doing because they are children. The key is not to get frustrated and angry but to be loving and understanding of the phase of life that they are in. Second I realized that I get upset still when things do not go my way. I don’t get upset as a child would and throw a fit, but I get upset to the point where it almost makes me want to give up. However, God brought it to my attention that it is not about controlling my children, or every moment that I am in. He showed me that I don’t and will never have true control over anything, but he does. Because I know that he does, when I feel weak or like I have no control that is when I can take those feelings and surrender it to him. By surrendering it to him, I in return receive contentment and peace in the very moment, and  day that I am in.

I see that if I think that everything is going to happen on my time, when I want it, how I want it, I will never truly be happy about life, because truth is that will never happen because nothing is perfect and sorry to say life doesn’t and will not go my way all the time. The key though is to be content, learn, and continue to love and grow in these situations. Instead of letting me not getting my way, or the hardship to get the best of me and cause me to want to shut down or create an anxiety for me.

By learning to let go and let God, I am setting myself for a freedom to live and enjoy the moment. Even if that moment happens to be my child throwing a tantrum, or my son being told something multiple times, or having a hard time paying a bill and etc. Letting go and letting God allows me to be able to see his presence, purpose, in all the situations both good and bad. It allows me to be able to grow and flourish even through the rough times in my life. By seeing and accepting the fact that there will be rough times, makes me want to prepare myself in all ways mind, body, and soul, and be able to see the good and search for Gods will even in those rough moments. It helps me to see that even though rough moments happen, that I will make it out of them. The rough moments build my character, and give me purpose. If everything in my life was easy or the way that I wanted, I believe that I would not know as much as I know now. I believe that getting everything that I want would have helped me develop the strength that I have now. I believe that getting everything that I wanted would have not helped me learn to be humble, appreciative or content.

So, even though sometimes the rough times are a hard pill to swallow, it feels good knowing now that God is the water to help me wash them down.  Each and every moment in my life has a purpose, and its truly the way I perceive them that determines whether or not it will make or break me. I have had enough of looking at it, and complaining, feeling sorry for myself, crying and etc. I now don’t want to get enough of being content, finding joy, letting it strengthen me and so much more in those moments that were intended to break me. I will now let those moments with Gods helping hand be the things that mold me. Being content through the good, bad, and the ugly, with who I am, what I have, and most certainly remembering who God is.

 

Hardships often prepare ordinary people for an extraordinary destiny C.S. Lewis

 

 James 1:2-4 Dear brothers and sisters, when troubles of any kind come your way, consider it an opportunity for great joy. For you know that when your faith is tested, your endurance has a chance to grow. So let it grow, for when your endurance is fully developed, you will be perfect and complete, needing nothing.

 2 Corinthians 12:10 That’s why I take pleasure in my weaknesses, and in the insults, hardships, persecutions, and troubles that I suffer for Christ. For when I am weak, then I am strong.

 

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