Open Diary- May, 21, 2016- Quit Settling For Less Than You Deserve

 

Diary,

 

Today was a great day. I was able to see my father in prison, and had a manageable visit. I was able to have my son be able to go to his friends birthday party, which meant so much to him.  I was able to then spend time with my family at a local community event, that allowed the black community to come together with no violence but peace.  I also got to get in a few extra freebies like running upon this really cool antique place, that had 1,000s of items, and was nothing like a typical antique store.  There were plenty of things that I got to just simply enjoy and soak in with  each moment of time that I was facing. It was a great feeling to be able to tell myself that I wasn’t focusing on any other day but this day.

Through doing that I was able to enjoy, see, breathe, have peace, and love today. I was able to do these things with a conscious effort even though my morning started off on the wrong foot. I was able to make the conscious effort to see the good and even in the bad. Although in some moments it was a little harder than others to do, the fact that I am simply practicing this method assures me that I will get it down to the point that I am not even thinking about it because it automatically comes naturally to be happy, see the good, and live in the moment.

Blessings, and gratefulness for every small thing, like my blog reaching a new number of likes today, as well as gaining 6 new followers. Even though that is not a huge number it is better than nothing and means that I am headed in the right direction.  Then today I had to people come up to me today, telling me that they like what I do with the blog and to keep it up. Needless to say that made me feel great, because in the heat of the struggle, in the heat of the work, you dont always see what exactly those things are doing.

It put it in perspective for me that I should one always love, be proud of, and give my very best because that is who I am, no matter who compliments me. Also, it helps me to see that I dont know who my writing is touching, and even though people may not comment, like, or share every post doesn’t mean that they are not receiving the message.

This just really inspires me to keep pushing forward, I am going to push forward regardless but it lets me know that its effecting people outside of just me.

However, despite even all the good things that went on today, I still was unhappy with a few of the choices that I made. For instance I have been working out with a personal trainer twice a week, and have for years been  making  changes to eating healthier. Somehow, I always end up cheating myself with that candy bar here, or that meal #2 here. So, today when I did that I didn’t even enjoy what I was eating, that I used to be able to enjoy.

I begin to think why I wasn’t enjoying it. The reason that I came up with is because I have already had this before, and because I knew deep down inside I wasn’t suppose to be making these choices. I knew that deep down inside it didn’t sit right because not only do I know that I am capable of making better, I have continued for almost 9 years only give average and not my all because of these things that I want.

Contemplating, I said to myself  ” you have tasted soda, candy, meal #2, and etc before”, but you have never tasted being physically fit, sticking with eating clean, being healthy mind, body, and soul.”  I then asked myself are you going to continue to make the choices that sells yourself short for the very things you have tasted before in life or are you going to deny yourself those things in order to taste the very things that you have never tasted before,?

Realizing that if I continue to make the same choices, I will continue to make the same results. What I say I want is success. What I say I want is to be healthy mind, body, and soul. What I say I want is to be a great mother, writer, motivational speaker and etc. But am I really ready to take the commitment of changing the ways that I need to change in order to get the things that I never have before. Realizing that talking about it, is only the first step. I look at myself and say that I have been talking about this for almost 9 years, but because you keep giving in to satisfying yourself in the moment, you haven’t given your all in the moment by denying yourself in order to make the necessary changes to get to my future.

I asked myself how long do you plan on doing this? How long do you plan on talking about it and not doing it? How long do you plan on selling yourself short for a temporary satisfaction in the moment? How long will you jeopardize your future and potential for something that you have already done before?

The truth is, I am tired now. Tired now of talking, tired now of giving in. I am ready to give it my all because I know that there is greater power within me  to help me give beyond my all. The truth is that  I am fed up with the same old results. I tend to beat myself up after a not so good decision, and that is because I know that deep down inside me there is power and the ability to greater things.

 

The truth is I am done wasting energy with things that are getting me no where. Today, I made the decision to stop playing about  my life and my goals, and to truly take them seriously. Well, I have been taking them seriously, I just haven’t been giving them my all. Today, I made the choice to give it my all 120% or more, knowing that it will pay off.

Even though it may require sacrifice in the moment, in the long run it will be better for me and those around me. For example if I dont  make the necessary choices young to take care of my body, when I get older I will have to pay for it because of what I didn’t do today.

Today, I am choosing to make the choice in every opportunity that I have to make a choice to consciously give it my all.  Giving it my all with no excuses, no slip ups, but really drilling in my focus to what it is I really want for my life, and letting nothing that doesn’t coincide with that, come in my way.

You do only live once and I am done wasting my  years talking about what I am going to do, or settling for less than what I deserve for instant gratification.

GIVING IT ALL I GOT!

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