Mother- the most important job on this earth. When you have a child it seems like you lose being you and instead begin the phase of being a mother. As a mother the demand of balancing work, life, kids, and so many other things can slowly become draining. It can begin to feel like you don’t have enough time, energy, strength, resources and etc to carry on another task of the day. Sometimes having so many people, places, events needing your attention can get extremely overwhelming. These can be so overwhelming when you do these things day in and day out, you feel as though it wont let up, you feel as though your about to just break down, cry, scream and every other mixed emotion.
It can feel like you get one thing done, only to have more to do or it could feel like you can’t get the one thing done you would like to do because you are doing for everyone else. This can make you feel angry, irritated and ready to be mad at yourself and the world.
You may begin to ask questions like why me?, do I have to? why can’t this happen or can so and so do it? You may get so shaken up, tossed here and there, exhausted and fed up to the point where the question of being a mother comes to your mind. The thought of why did I have kids, or why can’t my life go back to the way it was before kids may cross your mind.
Then you may beat yourself up, or feel guilty for even allowing that thought to cross your mind. You realize at that moment, that there is something that is making you feel lost. You realize that at that moment of doing for everyone else you haven’t done a single thing for yourself. You realize that life is hard but your kids are depending on you no matter what. So, after you possibly do a little screaming maybe even a whole lot of crying, you snap back into reality.
The thing that snaps you back into reality is the very things that take you out of reality. During those moments of minor breakdowns you question if it is all worth it. You question your worth, and the worth of life around you. However, what helps you to remember that it is worth it, is in this same moment you have a little hand come and touch your shoulder and tell you its going to be okay. You hear a little child laughing at the simplest thing, or you see the hugest smile on your child’s face because they are admiring you.
These are moments that as mothers we all have faced, are facing, and maybe will face. I have faced it and struggled with it for many years. It wasn’t until a year or so ago that I decided that I didn’t want to face these questions anymore. Do I still sometimes get agitated… yes I do. Do sometimes I still feel like breaking down…. yes I do. The thing is though I have begin to let go of what I think it should be, or how I thought it was going to be, and just hold on to life for what it is. The thing is I let go of trying to be my own strength to do everything and started leaning on God more.
I began to realize that I as a natural nurture, as a single mother, and as a strong woman, my children look up to me. Not only do my children look up to me, but many other people look up to me to. I began to realize that being a leader not only in my home but outside of my home was going to to take a lot of me in every aspect of my being. I began to realize that having a small break down, and thinking thoughts like the ones mentioned above was only allowing the enemy to believe that he had the best of me. The type of thoughts such as why me, and I wish I wouldn’t have was just leading me to a dead end. It was leading me to a place of more negativity, resentment, and no growth.
These thoughts have crossed many mothers mind, so I know longer feel guilty about the thoughts that I used to have. The key though is when you have those thoughts not to stay there. The key is to figure out what it is your missing, wanting or needing either from yourself or those around you in order to relieve these negative thoughts and stop them from coming back. If you allow them to take over it sucks all the joy from you and from your children if you dwell there for to long.
In the process of taking out the negative thoughts of why me, and I wish I wouldn’t, I instead inserted more positive and realistic sayings. I began and still am practicing these sayings to myself when I begin to feel overwhelmed by life, kids, work and etc.
1. My children are not to blame for anything that is happening or has happened because they are just children and dont know what is going on
2. My children will not be young forever, so I need to love, endure, and teach them in each stage of their life through the good and bad of age development.
3. My children are looking up to me and deserve every piece of my being not some
4. My children love me flaws and all, so it is my duty to do the same
5. Stages in life are only temporary, moments will not last forever
I have immediately been stopping myself from responding with a negative comment every time life tries to stress me out. I cut the thought off and give it no oxygen to exist in my mind or heart. By consciously practicing these things, I have been able to embrace my children a lot more, as well as life. I have been able to practice healthy ways of dealing with life, through positive affirmations verses negative ones.
Sometimes when you are going through the heat of the moment it may seem like that moment is lasting forever but in all actuality you will look up soon and your kid is graduating high school, and college. In the heat of the moment it is hard to look past the issue and remember all of your blessings. The ability to practice changing your perception is a powerful motivator for you to be able to keep getting up everyday doing what you do.
For instance tonight I was going to skip out on reading my kids their ritual bedtime story, because I am exhausted and still needed to muster up energy to blog. But, my kids would not let me skip it, they waited anxiously anticipating me reading their bedtime story and spending those extra minutes of quality time together. At first, I thought about getting angry and saying that I wasn’t going to do it tonight. Instead though I replaced that thought with the positive one, telling myself that my babies who are now 3 and 8 will not be young forever and will not desire me to read them bedtime stories when they get older so why not take advantage of making the memory and making them happy in the moment now no matter how tired I am, its about them.
Being a mother is one of the hardest jobs that you could do on this planet, on the flip side it is also one of the most rewarding jobs that you could do on the planet. In the moments of tantrums, mommy mommy mommy, grocery shopping, cooking, working, church, school activities, and doing stuff for others it may seem as though its not worth it. Please remember though that even though it maybe hard in the moment, it will be worth it in the end when you see your child value the things that you did and that you didn’t give up.
Even though it seems as though you dont have time for yourself or like you lost yourself remember that through building your children, you somehow also begin to build and recreate yourself. Use each and every moment to build your character, make you love harder, instill a strength to never give up, and the ability to have faith no matter what is going on.
You can do it, and when you feel like you cant remember who you have to call upon. Whether that be God, spouse, family , friends, coworker, whoever it maybe, call for help if you need it. Sometimes superwoman aka supermoms need a little lifting up to.
Embrace the moment with your babies, even the tough ones because they all create who you are, and who they will one day become.