The Cycles we encounter in life vary in the importance to how it effects who we are. If you think about how many different types of cycles that we have here on earth, and what each of those cycles mean. you will see that each of them have a different approach and effectiveness. For instance we have the plant cycle, that we get to experience how a tiny seed flourishes into something beautiful. We have the cycle of life with both animals and humans that creates new life. Even though these cycles are extremely important to mankind, there are some cycles that are not good for us. These cycles could be the cycles of addiction, the cycles of unhealthy relationships, and even the cycles of a toxic family.
I didn’t have the best of the best childhood, and although it wasn’t the best of the best it wasn’t as bad as it could be. For a major portion of my life when I most needed guidance, love, I didn’t have it. At a young age my mother wasn’t in my life, and my father has been in prison my entire life, so at a younger age I was really lost and alone. I had to deal with a lot of yelling, cussing, emotional abuse, anger, neglect, disappointment, and didn’t have anyone to really support me. I was confused, depressed, angry, sad, and so many other mixed emotions. I used to ask myself, why I was born into the family that I was born into. I used to ask why is it that I was such a good person, that I ended up having a family that I did. I always thought that I deserved to have a happier, wealthier, and more stable home. I always used to think that I wanted to have the ideal family with a mother and father in a home.
For along period of time, I let these thoughts take over me, and began to allow those thoughts to alter how I saw my parents, myself, and life in general. I couldn’t see the happiness, positive things, because I was stuck in the mindset of feeling sorry for myself and questioning why me on every obstacle I was facing at those moments in my life.
Things didn’t change until the day that I found out I was pregnant with my son. Once I found out that I was pregnant with my son, it was time to make a change. I begin to think differently about my life, and all the trials that I had encountered and even was encountering. I had made a decision, when I found out that I was with child, that I was going to do everything in my power to make sure that my child was raised differently. I told myself that I was going to do everything to make sure that they would never encounter the obstacles in life that I did, or witness circumstances that I did, and I most certainly made a promise to never leave his side.
(6 months pregnant, I was a young mother)
However, I felt stuck, I had the desire to want different but really didn’t know how to make the changes that I needed in order to get what I needed to begin to make change. I knew that I couldn’t stay within the same people or circumstances I was in, or else I would just stay the same. So, I begin to get closer to God. In the midst of getting closer to God in understanding who he was, it opened my eyes up to a whole different meaning of living. I had known God, but I didn’t have a intimate relationship with him. Once I begin to seek him more, it was like he lead me to the right people and places that I needed.
I begin to seek out knowledge through his word, others on higher levels, and through books. I was able to seek support outside of my family, to be able to get the encouragement I needed to make the changes that I needed to make.
When I changed my mindset I was able to accomplish a lot more than what I did when I was just trying to feel sorry for the hell I was going through.
That was in 2007 when I had my son. Now in the year 2016 I have a daughter as well. Through all these years I have been through countless trials that were meant to break me. I have dealt with a lot of issues with my mother, father, and dealing with deep pains from the past. But now, I am at a point of healing, letting go, and moving forward. I am continuing to seek more and more of something new.
The reason I say all this is to tell you that just because you come from nothing doesn’t mean that you cant have something. Just because you come from a toxic family, that may have abandon or neglected you doesn’t mean that everyone will. Just because you didn’t get the support or love you needed as a child, doesn’t mean that there is not someone out there willing to love and support you. Just because you were raised a certain way doesn’t mean that you have to repeat that cycle towards your own children.
Cycles CAN BE BROKEN! I believe that if it wasn’t for God I wouldn’t have the mindset or thought of it even being possible to be free from cycles and burden chains. But the greatest thing is….. is that it is possible.
Your life is truly only what you make it, and if you dont want to make it like what you had as a child , then don’t. But realize it is going to take you actively seeking out something different. The knowledge, support, new beginnings aren’t just going to come to you…. you have to be the one to go and find them.
Just know that you are worth going out and finding the answers needed to make the changes to break the cycle. You deserve happiness, and so does your children.
Dont let the cycle repeat. Sometimes we repeat the cycle subconsciously because we know nothing else. Seek out new information and begin to teach yourself in away that you would have wanted your parents to do to you.
Even if you dont have children you can still seek out freedom from the cycles that you may have encountered, this applies to people with and without children. The toxic cycles don’t have to repeat just because you had it when you were younger.
YOU CAN BE FREE
Some tools that have helped me along the journey.
- Prayer/ meditation/ reading my word
- Self-help Books ( read a variety of books in the areas you seek to improve on)
- Finding support outside of family ( I did this through church, single mom groups, and meeting new people in the community.
- Therapy ( at first I didnt want to, but this has helped me tremendously with my emotional healing)
- Write what you dont want to do in your life and what you would like to do. Then depending on the answers focus on a couple at a time. Focus on what you need to stop doing and what you need to start doing in order to be the person you see yourself being.