The constant pressure that surrounds me everyday, seems as if it were like being chased by a swarm of bees. The more you try to run or fan them away, the more these things seems to attack you. It feels as though there is no escape from the what it feels like are the limitless demands of everyone around me. Everyone needing every little thing that they want not even caring if it interferes with what I am trying to do with my life, as long as they are the ones satisfied. People throwing all their wants and needs on you, and the one moment you attempt to throw a need out there, it seems as though all hell breaks loose. All of sudden countess excuses of why they cant be there for you is pushed from their mouth like word vomit. Vomiting sounds like a good way to explain it because you just get sick and tired of the repeat cycle that never fails to happens. However each time you being the logical one attempts to hold a slight hope of expecting a different result or reaction. But that expectation always comes crashing down when yet again your proved wrong. Yet somehow we keep coming back, yet somehow we continue to do everything under the sun for the people who always let us down.
Somewhere deep inside we long for this to stop. It feels as though your being held under water and all you want is a chance to breath and be free. Even though this may be what we truly want some of us cant let go because of the fear of what ifs. We create all of these meaningless what ifs that we use to try to make ourselves put up with it. Like, what if they stop loving me, what if they have someone else do it for them, what if they tell someone negative things about me, what if they don’t need me anymore. We sit here and ponder the what ifs over people who are what if in our lives, simply meaning that aren’t even certain themselves. We sit here and wrestle with our own sanity, wants , needs, and happiness for people who only look out for their own.
Meanwhile because of guilt and manipulation they are running all over us like road kill. They are not considering the fact that each hit takes away more from our inner existence, it seems as though they have no realization because they are getting filled up off of our emptiness. Feeling no remorse as they completely drain us, causing us to question and even take it out on ourselves because of all their messiness.
The poison from toxic people such family, friends, maybe even strangers eats away everything that we are, and over time dealing with it so long you start to see traces of that same poison to the people you encounter. Contemplating in your mind questions like why am I not happy, where is my life going, why did this happen to be my life, why cant I have love and support like I love and support people? Questioning so much of this that you feel like your in a dark pit, with no chance of light of insight.
All you want is to be happy. All you want is to be free. All you want is to feel loved. All you want is to be supported. All you want is to be accepted. All you want is to not be used. All you want is the ability to be yourself without someone trying to make you feel guilty about it. All you want is to be able to live your life and not pay for other peoples mistake. All you want is to be able to live in the moment and forget about the past that people try to make you stay stuck in because they are stuck in it.
The soul is trapped until we decide to make the choices to start freeing ourselves. Toxic things around us are not going to show us the way, we have to find it . Finding our own way is going to require letting go of the expectations of people. Truth is we cant expect nothing from anyone but ourselves, and we really cant expect anything from someone who doesn’t even hold expectations for themselves.
We have to go against the guilt and manipulation that they try to place on us to get their way out of us. Deal with the fact that we cant and aren’t going to make everyone happy, so we have to do what makes us happy no matter the tactics people use to stop us from reaching that happiness.
We have to know that we deserve to be happy, loved, supported, appreciated, we deserve to have our hearts true desires. Our hearts true desires are not being treated like slaves, or not reaching our full potentials.
We have to be okay with disappointing people who don’t wants best for us so that we can be appointed to ourselves and give energy to the people who do wants what best for us.
Our happiness is our choice, and as long as we continue to allow other people to control our choices, we to allow them to control our happiness.
Just because the people around you may choose to not be happy doesn’t mean that you have to take part of it. Just because someone else didn’t do or doesn’t want to do anything with their life that you cant do anything with yours. Just because someone may be toxic doesn’t mean that you have to be. Just because its people you love doesn’t mean they are always good for you or that you cant learn to love them from a distance.
Just choose what is best for you because everyone else is. Don’t be selfish or arrogant but think about you enough to take care of you and have your own happiness. Take are of you enough to live out your purpose and get the most out of the life you have to live. Don’t continue to allow other people to control that, you deserve to have life just like everyone else does, don’t waste it letting people run over you.
you are your happiness, you are what you choose to be, you are worth more than just being someone else’s doormat.
What will you do to make you happy?