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Here I am sitting in the emergency room due to my grandmother having a seizure and I can’t help but to be overwhelmed with a stream of emotions. As I think about the fact that I lost my mother in august, I lost two people I know a couple weeks ago, and then I lost my uncle Will yesterday.
Death seems to be surrounding me, and as people die around me it creates a choking fear and pressure to push myself for greater.
The fact that there is so much that I want to do for my grandma,my family for others that with death being this close it makes me feel like I must do it now. It tries to make you frantically hurry through the day with massive to do list.
However in the midst of fear rising and sadness swirling, God gently reminds me to slow down and be still. He reminds me that he has his hands on me and that my time is not yet. He reminds me that creating all this busyness for myself isn’t going to get me there any faster.
That instead I must trust and have faith that the purpose he has for me to accomplish will be accomplished no matter what happens around me .
Instead of allowing the fear, negativity, and death scare you into busyness or into doing nothing at all seek him in each moment to give you the reassurance that it is all okay.
Realizing that all I have is the day that I am in. That I can only control the steps and choices that I make in this day. I think about all the time that can be wasted worrying, fearing, doubting and how it truly does keep you in bondage from moving.
I will not allow the fear of death to stop me from living.
I will not allow worry to keep me from being mindful.
I will not allow sadness to keep me from happiness.
The thing is you can only control what you can control. Will you really continue to waste time and energy doing those things which add nothing to your life?
Or will you decide that no matter what happens on this day you will trust that God makes all things good for those that love him?
Will you lean on your own Imperfect understanding which has left you on a emotional roller coaster full of anxiety and negative emotions?
Or will you decide to do the opposite in which the devil tries to use to keep you stuck in bondage?
The only way to not worry is to have faith more instead.
The only way to not fear is to be courageously fearless instead.
The only way to not die inside is to choose to find ways to live each day.
The only way to not be broken is to focus on what makes you whole.
Literally I see that the only way to defeat the things trying to destroy me is by doing the things that will build me up instead.
So, today even though my grandmother is here I will choose not to fear or worry but to love and rejoice for knowing who God is.
Today is only what I choose to make it and I will not let it be a day of defeat but of victory.
1 Peter 5:8