To The One Who Lost Their Mom,
I know it’s hard. I know that it seems like your incomplete and don’t know who you are or where you’re going at times. You can’t seem to stop thinking about the fact that your mom is gone. You keep replaying the good and bad memories over in your head.
I know you are wishing that she was here. That you could see her smile, hear her laugh, and just spend time with her. It seems like everywhere you turn something reminds you of her and you just want to bust out in tears.
I mean I know that there have been days you cried and cried and didn’t feel like getting out of bed. I know you feel like no one understands.
There’s an emptiness inside you that no one sees.
I know you’re trying to be strong and hold it all together.
There have probably been times that you screamed out asking why this had to happen, why now?
You contemplate sometimes if you’ll be able to go on. If you’ll ever feel the same because there’s just something about you that doesn’t feel the same.
I know you look around at other people with their mothers wanting to just have yours once more.
You think about all the moments you won’t get to share with her. There are times you pick up the phone to call but remember suddenly she’s not there to answer.
You long to call her and tell her the good news, want her direction, or for her to tell you it will all be okay. You get sick wishing she could be your doctor once more.
Sometimes guilt may cross your mind when you attempt to be happy. You feel as if you don’t deserve happiness when the woman who brought you into this world is not in it.
You just want your best friend. You want that connection again.
Your hearts full of sadness.
Your thoughts seem everywhere.
There may be times that you look in the mirror and ask yourself if there’s anything you could have done to prevent this from happening.
You may even think about all the thing you would have done different or think about the times you took her love for granted.
You ask were the arguments worth it?
Was there signs?
Could have there been anything that prepared you for this moment?
Everyone tells you how strong you are but they don’t see that you feel as though your dying inside.
You try to do things that take your mind off of it.
You attempt to cover it with busyness or a few drinks here and there.
But it’s in the stillness and silence of night when it hits you the most.
No more of her calling you to say good morning or reminding you to lock your doors at night. No more of her having your back and steering you in the right direction.
There’s even been times you thought about joining her in heaven, just to be with her again.
You flashback on the past and look forward to the future.
Knowing she wont be there to celebrate your success or witness the most important events like marriage in your life.
Seems some days to eat you ALIVE.
Nothing will be the same. Nothing feels the same as you just simply try to pick up your day to day.
Is there hope you say as you soak in the fact that no one could ever take your mothers place.
But there is HOPE!
There is light amongst all the darkness you face.
Life can still be abundant
Life can still be lived even in the pain
It may take time
But its okay to gibe yourself that time
Don’t let someone tell you how long you can grieve
It’s okay to cry sometimes
It’s okay to remember her
Just look to God for healing because he will be the only thing that will give you true healing
Be thankful for all the good times you shared and all the bad times you learned from
The times that brought you closer together
Rejoice in knowig she is no longer in pain
Rejoice in knowing that one you’ll meet again
Rejoice in knowing that you have an angel that is looking over you
Rejoice in knowing that she will forever be in your heart and cherished in lasting memories
Rejoice in knowing she always wanted what was best for you and still does
Rejoice in knowing that she will forever be proud and believe in you
When days are hard
When tears surface
When birthdays, holidays, and special things come up take a moment to remember her
Take a moment to breath and know that she never left but will always be with you in your heart
Now live for you because she wouldnt want you to stop living
She wouldnt want you to quit and give up
She wouldnt want you to be full of sadness or feel guilty about anything
She would want you to be and do your best
She would want you to chase those dreams you told her about
She would want you to appreciate life, love, and give each day all you have
So remember that your never alone and that when you feel like no one understands, remember there is another child out in the world wanting their mother back to.
So, go out and conquer life head on and remember all the love and scarifices your mother did for you to be able to do just that.
A girl who lost her mother
( I lost my mother August, 30th,2016)
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