You feel like you’ve lost yourself? Like you don’t know where you are or the direction you are going. Your mind runs aimlessly over all the things that have been done, and all the things that could happen. Your mentally exhausted, emotionally a wreck. And, you just don’t know what to do. What if I told you however there is hope for you?
We can in fact redeem what it is lost. It doesn’t always come easy, but it can come back.
It’s crazy how much of life can play out. You can have this image in your mind of the way you want it to look, but in reality it doesn’t always go that way. I can be a testimony of how your life can turn out the complete opposite way of what you imagined it.
As a younger child, I was a straight A honor roll student, who participated in honors classes, student council, mac scholars and more. School, was always my safe haven. When I was younger all I could think about is living the completely different way then what my family did. I had grown up in poverty, no father, single mother who worked multiple jobs. That was until my mother left out of my life and I had no one.
I was 12 years old homeless with no guidance and no direction. My world had turned upside down.
There are always standards, goals, or values that you may set for yourself, but even they can’t stop life from happening.
I always said I would never be a young teenage mother, and then I ended up being one. I hated myself at one point in my life. I just couldn’t understand how all the bad stuff was happening to me when I did nothing but good to those around me. It had me in a very deep, dark hole that it took me years to come out of.
Now, today however as a women. I have forgiven myself for the mistakes I made. Along with some of the mistakes of others. Even in moving forward though, there are feelings that still linger that you sometimes have to deal with after.
For instance, for so long of being the loving, giving one, and people treating me wrongly. I could tell that it has made me a little more selfish, harder to trust others, and afraid of love. It has made me in someways go into this protective shield that actually has secured the real me but has let something not real stay in the place of it.
It’s like a battle with yourself. I know that deep down inside I am not selfish. I am actually the most giving person that I know. In fear of having nothing, in fear of being taken advantage of, I see that I think more about my best interest, then I do before.
Why do people make it seem like its a wrong thing to change for the better?
Is it possible to change for the better and still have parts of you missing?
Somewhere I feel at times that parts of me are missing. Frustration is at the core of my being. Knowing that I want to be free, but afraid of being hurt or let down just as once before.
Can it be possible that all the circumstances we go through attempt to bury us alive?
Suffocated by the unknown.
Drawn by the real.
Just trying to decipher between whats really me and whats not.
You don’t really see how much of you is lost and affected, until you dont feel like yourself anymore.
To think I have to discern between what is and what is the me in which I create in attempts to protect the real me. I am so done with allowing the things and people around me to distort my view of self, and change my reality.
In this cold world you can’t let it take the heat from your heart and make you colder than ice.
I am in a place of cleansing. Cleansing out the adaptions that I made in order to adjust the things around me. So that I again may uncover the true beauty of who I was, before I allowed anyone to change me.
See, in life there are going to be many great things that attempt to mold us, or completely take us out of the element of who we are. But, don’t let that happen. Don’t let those things get so much of the best of you that it chips away who you really are.
Take the time to deal with any pain you maybe facing. Take the time to go back to your roots and see where it all went wrong . Take the time to ask yourself if what you do, say, act, feel, is really you or is it something you’ve picked up a long the way.
Either way though you deserve to know that who you are is WHO YOU REALLY ARE. Dig deep within your soul and decide today what makes you happy and who it is you want to be.
Don’t think about the negativity of the past or the fear of the future. Instead think about fully excreting yourself into all that your purpose is. To be at a place of peace, redemption, and joy. Letting yourself freely flow with life, but just in your control.
Just because we may have been chipped down or lost by the things we have been through doesn’t mean that you can’t gain something greater than what you have lost.
Be patient with yourself today because we all need a little time.
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