By: Myria Key
I degrade myself because of the choices that I have made that didn’t add value to who I was.
Allowing the cruel words of others or harsh realities to distort my view of self.
Unwillingly at times to accept the truth of a reality I never wanted.
Knowing that deep within the picture I had for my life surpassed the settling of what I accepted to begin with.
Everything I once felt my soul was, had faded away through the misfortunes and mistakes.
Lying to myself as if I still viewed myself the same.
Simply being unaware to the fact that it was more than just beauty and pain but more so a soul thing.
Feeling deprived of life from all the leeches attempting to suck me dry.
Searching for an answer that will replenish my true self, while also somehow feeling like I am dying inside.
Each time I look at myself, it digs a hollow hole in my self confidence, because of how everything played out differently.
Through all the trauma it makes it hard to see clearly who you are because after a while it seems that trauma is all that you are.
For the girl I once was, I no longer know.
Mesmerized with the thought of finding myself, while looking externally at the wrong ideals for answers. Seeing that it doesn’t help what I feel internally.
Wanting to internally be free from all hindrance that stops me from seeing where my true beauty lies.
This poem was a edited version of one that I had originally written in 2007. At this time, I was 15 years old. The original version is shorter, still deep but not in depth of what I am obviously as a woman. But nonetheless, the poem comes from the heart, and speaks true to past and some present feelings.